Saturday, November 14, 2009

Stop, Drop and Pray

Today started out alright. I had full intentions of having a great day. Especially since yesterday was a day I would rather forget. I met with some friends this morning and shared some of my woes. I cried. I prayed. I went to MCC. I intended to have a great day. I came home from my meeting and my husband had tidied up in the kitchen. All was looking good. Then somewhere along the journey through the rest of the day, things went downhill. Jay and I got into a discussion about our responsibilities, the things that we do and don't do. You know, when you decide to do something, like homeschool, something else may suffer, like housework. Or laundry. When that happens, spouses may have to pick up the slack. Which means their list of a million things is not getting accomplished. Which means they have to work longer. Which means you see them less. Which makes you irritable. Which makes you grumpy towards those you love the most. A never-ending whirlwind of emotions that generally cause you to feel like crap. Like why are you doing what you are doing? And, in the midst of all that, I was baking bread. Which is a good thing seeing as AJ loves his toast. So, I am baking bread and making pizza. 1 oven full of bread after which the pizza was to go in before the next oven full of bread. Well, this was in the middle of the discussion. Never have discussions while baking. It causes you not to think. I forgot I was going to put the pizza in before the second batch of bread. So, supper would now be delayed another 1/2 hour (the whole idea of having double ovens now makes sense! In fact, they may even be good for our marriage. Just like a double shower. But that is a completely different matter! ☺). 6:30 isn't tooooo bad. So, timer beeps and I go to check on the bread. It looks so much lighter than the first batch. I look at the thermometer that hangs in the stove and the temperature is waaaaaay down. What? Oh, smarty-pants over here turned OFF the oven. How dumb is that. Supper will be at least another 1/2 hour. Then to bake the pizzas after that. Agh. At this point, Jay realizes it would be best to bathe the kids before supper seeing as we would practically be eating at midnight (and yes, I do realize I have a slight tendancy to over-exaggerate just a little!). And at this point, I loose it. I needed something. I needed Jesus (which is exactly what AJ told me on Friday - "Mommy, you need more Jesus in you!!" How right he is!). So, while Jay was downstairs bathing the kids, I went to my room, dropped to my knees and cried out my heart to my Lord. Right then and there. I stopped what I was doing, dropped to my knees and prayed for peace to come. For Jesus to hold me. For this day to at least end okay. Now, you may think that sounds so spiritual and all. But, as a matter of fact, those sorts of things happen way to little in this house - or at least with me. I try to get along on my own. In my own strength. With my own wisdom. Maybe if I just work hard enough or sleep a little less or plan a little more, things will work out the way I want them to. Uh, no. Doesn't happen that way. I am realizing over and over again how little I can do on my strength. How little control I have over the way my day goes. The only thing I can control is the time I spend on my knees with my Lord and Saviour, the one who loves me more than anyone else does, the one who created me and formed me and would do anything for me, the one who IS strength, the one who IS love, the one who IS peace. If only I would remember to stop, drop and pray.

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