Owner Building a Home - Week 13 - Spinning our Wheels

This past week was a hard week.  Mr.W was otherwise engaged elsewhere all week so we were on our own.  He was a phone call away but it is not the same as his presence motivating us, directing us, correcting us and just leading in the great way he leads.  We knew he was super busy and didn't want to disturb him so we fumbled our way through the week. 

Then I was volunteering with the local DVBS run here in town so each morning, Monday through Friday, I hung out with a lovely bunch of grade 2 kids, singing and dancing, playing games and being reminded of how I need to trust Jesus, just like they do.  It was super fun and super tiring.  By the time I made it out to the site, it was between 1-2 pm and I felt lost.  I didn't quite know what I was supposed to be doing and when I finally figured it out, it was time for supper and then time to go home.  It was frustrating, to say the least. 

However, Jay was a trooper.  Jay just kept on working.  He, along with Mr.G when he was available and Mr.E when he came, finished insulating all the exterior walls (well, okay, there are a few pieces left here and there but basically it is done).  They also hung all the poly and sealed it to the walls with acoustical sealant.  That was also what I did.  Oh, the joy of working with a black tar-like substance that sticks to everything, never dries and is tricky to wash off.  I didn't actually get any on my clothes (Mr.G cannot say that!) but was more concerned about my hair.  It was all good in the end, though.  It may look a little messy here and there but it is sealed.  We also went back and sealed each overlap with that wonderful red Tuck Tape to ensure a good seal.  Then the guys started cutting the strapping pieces.  First we got #3 grade wood which was wet and rotten.  After they carried it all inside and had a good look at it, they decided not to use it and had to carry it all back out and carry in the new #2 wood.  One of those "make-work" projects!  Then they attached the strapping on the inside of the walls.  I have no photos of it yet so when I do I will explain the value of the strapping.  They then put the strapping on all the exterior walls.  Water lines were also run through the house and the plumbing was trenched into the basement rocks (which will get covered with concrete once inspection is complete).  Heating ducts continue to spider their way through the house.  That was about the week.  I am sure there were many other little things done here and there but I wasn't there enough to know exactly what (and I didn't take one single photo).  At the end of the week, there was certainly some frustrations about things we encountered and about things we need to fix and that sort of thing but after talking with Mr.W today (who was around most of the day, thankfully), he said all those emotions are normal.  Plus, after I was done working last night and all the lights were out and I was about to get in the van, I happened to look at the sky. 

There is nothing so awe-inspiring as a
dark prairie sky
splashed full with stars accompanied by the
dancing of the northern lights. 

It was the reminder of my smallness in the expanse of God's universe. 

The reminder that He not only holds all those stars in His hands, He also holds me. 

It was the reminder of the insignificance of my problems when compared with the glory of our Creator. 

All creation shouts His praise and I couldn't help but join in.  Who cares about my small and momentary problems when faced with the beauty of our Lord?  All this will someday pass but eternity with Jesus?  Now that is worth getting worked up over!

Day Before the Dig - My Thoughts

Tomorrow is the big day!  Tomorrow is dig day.  A day that we have planned for and waited for and talked about and dreamed about for about 10 years.  Granted, those first 8 years, thoughts of the new house were more in the background but, as I have said before, we always said that we would live in this house 10 years and then move into our country home.  When we said that we had no idea we would be blessed with 5 children nor did we think that God would be calling more children into our hearts and home through adoption or fostering.  When we said 10 years, we only knew that we were country people at heart and a country property was something we wanted with space to move and breathe and play without eyes watching from every side.  I love how God takes those little dreams or little ideas and can turn them into something bigger and better and wilder than you ever imagined.  The last 2 years have been more focused on what this new house will look like and what God's purposes are for this house.  And as we have been thinking and planning and praying and talking, God has taken the dream of this house and is turning it into a reality for His glory and for His honor.  We know that God has big plans for our family and big plans for our hearts and this house is a vitally important step. 

This little place we call home now is a treasure to us, brought to us at just the right time for just the right price.  It was almost exactly what we would have picked for ourselves as a young married couple had we the chance to design the home ourselves.  We love this place.  It will always hold so many memories of love and tears, conversations, the births of all our children, schooling them, teaching them just as they teach us, growing in our marriage and listening to all the things the Lord has taught us and the Lord is continuing to teach us.  This house is a treasure.  But this house is too small.  As long as we live in this house, our 3 year-old will continue to sleep on a crib mattress on the floor and all 3 girls will share a 9x9 bedroom.  The "laundry room" is also the mechanical room and also the "craft room" and is a constant disaster.  Storage space is seriously lacking . . . well, I could go on.  This house was never designed for 7 people.  But we are thankful.  We are so thankful.  We have a home with a roof over our heads, we have beds for our children, we have a washer & dryer and everything else we need to live a rich and full life.  We are beyond blessed and rarely will you hear us complain about our home.  We love it!  But this home was given to us for a season and that season is coming to an end. 

Tomorrow starts the beginning of a new season in our life.  A new chapter is this book we are writing.  Tomorrow the excavator arrives on site and starts digging the hole for the basement.  And tomorrow the hopes and dreams for this new season start to become reality.  I cannot help but wonder how it will go.  How will I be during this season?  Who will I be?  I wonder - will things get chaotic?  I wonder - will we be stressed beyond what we can imagine?  I wonder - how will Jay and I interact with each other over all the details that make a house a reality?  How will each day work itself out practically?  At the end of the building season, will we still be having fun or will we be so tired of the house and of each other?  While there are many questions that remain and will only be answered over the course of the next number of months, of this I am certain - the Lord will walk with us through this time just as He has been so faithfully walking with us these past 10 years in this home and all the years before that.  He has not brought us to this point on this path just to abandon us to our own devices.  He will walk with us every step of the way and when we are challenged and when we are stressed and when we don't know what to do, He will be there providing strength and wisdom and maybe an occasional rain day just so we can rest.  I know that life will be a little messy and unpredictable and schedules will go out the window, but I have this picture in my mind that, in time, I will be standing in a completely gorgeous kitchen crying, overwhelmed by the gracious generosity of an amazing Father who has blessed us with more than we deserve and even more than we imagined.  Just as when we were planning our wedding almost 13 years ago, we will go through this building process the way we try to go through every day, with the intention of honoring God and all those around us with our words and our attitudes so that at the end, we will not regret saying anything or doing anything, knowing God is pleased with our hearts. 

Later on today, Jay and I will spend time in prayer at the building site, dedicating the next days and weeks and months to the Lord, asking for His hand of blessing yet again.  I feel that this is a time when He is asking me, "What do you want Me to do for you?".  I feel humbled and honored that the Lord would use me, use Jay and I, to do a work only He can accomplish.  So, now that we are a little less than 24 hours away from actually starting to build, focus is hard to find.  The boys still have school work to finish, the laundry still needs to be washed, food still needs to be made and life continues on.  I would like to spend all my time at the site, thinking and praying and dreaming and watching God's hand at work.  And yet, He is still at work here in my heart right now, still trying to refine me into the woman He wants me to be, the mother He wants me to be, the teacher He wants me to be, the wife He wants me to be.  I have so far to go in my walk with Him, so much more to learn and I am beyond grateful that He never leaves me even when I mess up.  Though my intention is to honor Him with all my words and actions, I have far to go in perfecting that.  And still, in my brokenness, the Lord uses me.  I know that we will look back on this time and marvel at all we accomplished because of the Lord.  All because of Him.  So, I invite you along for the journey.  I invite you to watch as the Lord moves in marvelous ways to help us build this dream.  I will document as much as I can, not so much for your benefit, but for ours.  So we can look back on this time and remember every detail along the way, every way in which God provided again and again and again.  With that said, let the building begin!

Am I Trusting God?

Ever since reading this post yesterday, it has been consuming my thoughts. Am I trusting God with the size of our family or did we make a choice on our own that seemed logical at the time? We can come up with many reasons for not having more biological children right now - we already have a "big" family (5 children in 6 years is a lot, isn't it? Especially with no twins. One would think we would want to be done), our house is full, my pelvis gets worse with each pregnancy - okay, those are the biggest ones. But then there is all the emotional toll new babies take on an individual and the family. When I think about that article and think about the choice we made to stop having more children, I wonder if I really consulted God? Or did I just say okay to please my husband? And did I, at the time, really think that we were done? Now? I don't know what to think. Baby girl Ari is 18 months old - the exact time a new baby would have been entering this family had we followed the same course of timing as the other kids. Is that the only reason I look at all other babies and wonder why we aren't having more? Is it just selfishness on my part to want more babies because I feel I have so much more to give and no one else to give it too? Is it just hormones causing these tears to stream down my face while washing dishes or doing paperwork or writing this blog? Do I really trust God? I know there is the whole school of thought that says that God gave us a brain and reason and the ability to make decisions for ourselves. Yeah, I do that a lot. I am good at taking control. But shouldn't God have that control? The part that bothers me the most is that I may have made a choice, a decision, without trusting God for the answer. That grieves me the most. So, I pray. I pray that my very gracious Savior shows himself to me in a clear way. I pray that I would trust in the many areas of my life that are lacking. I pray that Jay & I would be able to obey what God is calling us to do even if it goes against what we feel or think right now. I pray we would have unity. And I pray that I would find peace. I will leave you with the lyrics of a song based on Hebrews 11:1 that speaks what my heart struggles to voice:

"Seems like there's so much to hope for,

So many dreams I wish they all could come true.

But when I think about your ways, Lord,

It gives me so much faith in all that You do.

Faith to see beyond what I can see

Faith to know that you will do great things

I will trust you, Lord, I'll always believe

As I hold onto my faith, Jesus, you are holding on to me."