Day Before the Dig - My Thoughts

Tomorrow is the big day!  Tomorrow is dig day.  A day that we have planned for and waited for and talked about and dreamed about for about 10 years.  Granted, those first 8 years, thoughts of the new house were more in the background but, as I have said before, we always said that we would live in this house 10 years and then move into our country home.  When we said that we had no idea we would be blessed with 5 children nor did we think that God would be calling more children into our hearts and home through adoption or fostering.  When we said 10 years, we only knew that we were country people at heart and a country property was something we wanted with space to move and breathe and play without eyes watching from every side.  I love how God takes those little dreams or little ideas and can turn them into something bigger and better and wilder than you ever imagined.  The last 2 years have been more focused on what this new house will look like and what God's purposes are for this house.  And as we have been thinking and planning and praying and talking, God has taken the dream of this house and is turning it into a reality for His glory and for His honor.  We know that God has big plans for our family and big plans for our hearts and this house is a vitally important step. 

This little place we call home now is a treasure to us, brought to us at just the right time for just the right price.  It was almost exactly what we would have picked for ourselves as a young married couple had we the chance to design the home ourselves.  We love this place.  It will always hold so many memories of love and tears, conversations, the births of all our children, schooling them, teaching them just as they teach us, growing in our marriage and listening to all the things the Lord has taught us and the Lord is continuing to teach us.  This house is a treasure.  But this house is too small.  As long as we live in this house, our 3 year-old will continue to sleep on a crib mattress on the floor and all 3 girls will share a 9x9 bedroom.  The "laundry room" is also the mechanical room and also the "craft room" and is a constant disaster.  Storage space is seriously lacking . . . well, I could go on.  This house was never designed for 7 people.  But we are thankful.  We are so thankful.  We have a home with a roof over our heads, we have beds for our children, we have a washer & dryer and everything else we need to live a rich and full life.  We are beyond blessed and rarely will you hear us complain about our home.  We love it!  But this home was given to us for a season and that season is coming to an end. 

Tomorrow starts the beginning of a new season in our life.  A new chapter is this book we are writing.  Tomorrow the excavator arrives on site and starts digging the hole for the basement.  And tomorrow the hopes and dreams for this new season start to become reality.  I cannot help but wonder how it will go.  How will I be during this season?  Who will I be?  I wonder - will things get chaotic?  I wonder - will we be stressed beyond what we can imagine?  I wonder - how will Jay and I interact with each other over all the details that make a house a reality?  How will each day work itself out practically?  At the end of the building season, will we still be having fun or will we be so tired of the house and of each other?  While there are many questions that remain and will only be answered over the course of the next number of months, of this I am certain - the Lord will walk with us through this time just as He has been so faithfully walking with us these past 10 years in this home and all the years before that.  He has not brought us to this point on this path just to abandon us to our own devices.  He will walk with us every step of the way and when we are challenged and when we are stressed and when we don't know what to do, He will be there providing strength and wisdom and maybe an occasional rain day just so we can rest.  I know that life will be a little messy and unpredictable and schedules will go out the window, but I have this picture in my mind that, in time, I will be standing in a completely gorgeous kitchen crying, overwhelmed by the gracious generosity of an amazing Father who has blessed us with more than we deserve and even more than we imagined.  Just as when we were planning our wedding almost 13 years ago, we will go through this building process the way we try to go through every day, with the intention of honoring God and all those around us with our words and our attitudes so that at the end, we will not regret saying anything or doing anything, knowing God is pleased with our hearts. 

Later on today, Jay and I will spend time in prayer at the building site, dedicating the next days and weeks and months to the Lord, asking for His hand of blessing yet again.  I feel that this is a time when He is asking me, "What do you want Me to do for you?".  I feel humbled and honored that the Lord would use me, use Jay and I, to do a work only He can accomplish.  So, now that we are a little less than 24 hours away from actually starting to build, focus is hard to find.  The boys still have school work to finish, the laundry still needs to be washed, food still needs to be made and life continues on.  I would like to spend all my time at the site, thinking and praying and dreaming and watching God's hand at work.  And yet, He is still at work here in my heart right now, still trying to refine me into the woman He wants me to be, the mother He wants me to be, the teacher He wants me to be, the wife He wants me to be.  I have so far to go in my walk with Him, so much more to learn and I am beyond grateful that He never leaves me even when I mess up.  Though my intention is to honor Him with all my words and actions, I have far to go in perfecting that.  And still, in my brokenness, the Lord uses me.  I know that we will look back on this time and marvel at all we accomplished because of the Lord.  All because of Him.  So, I invite you along for the journey.  I invite you to watch as the Lord moves in marvelous ways to help us build this dream.  I will document as much as I can, not so much for your benefit, but for ours.  So we can look back on this time and remember every detail along the way, every way in which God provided again and again and again.  With that said, let the building begin!

Always Present

Yesterday as I was driving into the city on my way to place the order for our windows, I was thinking yet again of the journey we have taken to get where we are at in this house-building process.  I have never been so keenly aware of the Lord's hand in our lives as I am right now.  As I have been mulling over just how obvious the Lord's leading has been, I am quick to think that He must have very special plans for this stage of our lives and that is why He is so very present and so very real.  Then the Lord spoke to me something that I hope never to forget.  In the quiet of my van He whispered this to my heart - He is ALWAYS present in my life and ALWAYS working - I just don't always take the time to acknowledge it.  He has not once left me to my own devices.  He has ALWAYS been there working things out for my good and for His glory.  Maybe the reason I am so intensely aware of it now is because I am taking the time to acknowledge His daily presence in my life rather than think that I have been somehow so crafty or so smart or so lucky as to discover everything on my own.  During this journey to building our dream home, I feel as though this house is an entity on wheels and that I am in the driver's seat but that the Lord is behind me pushing it forward with such speed and determination that I am forced to just hold on!  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He has some amazing plans for our family, plans that are so intimate and personal that I don't feel quite ready to share them, but plans that will bring the Lord glory and honor.  I don't know the full outworking of those plans but I do know that this house is a major part of those details.  I feel honored and privileged to be working with the Lord in this time of our lives and I most certainly feel inadequate for what He may be calling us to. However, there is such encouragement in knowing that He has a plan for us right now, in the present, to grow in our faith journey as we continue on this house-building process and a plan for us in the future as we live and serve each other in the new house. 

I was reminded of His hand yet again this week as we awaited the arrival of a Menard's truck delivering siding, drywall and insulation.  We knew that truck would arrive on Thursday and we planned to store those items at a secure building at my in-laws place.  On Wednesday, we discovered a freak incident occurred at their house.  The top 4' of one of their hydro poles spontaneously burst into flames and fell over.  Live power lines were on the ground and power was out for a number of hours as hydro crews worked to fix the problem which involved erecting a new pole, a new transformer box and other necessary repairs.  Had that pole fallen over a day later either the delivery truck would not have been able to enter the yard causing either long delays or uncertainty as to where to store those items or the truck would have been trapped on the yard had the pole fell over after it arrived.  Either way, it would have caused serious concerns.  As it was, everything was back to normal by the time the truck arrived and the delivery went off without any problems.  Some people may say that is just lucky.  Some people may think the hydro pole incident has nothing to do with the delivery of the items.  I say that the Lord once again ensured things would happen as He saw fit and once again we praise Him that things are progressing smoothly and on schedule.  Sometimes I think that something like building a house cannot bring the Lord glory and honor.  Sometimes I think the Lord has bigger things to concern Himself with than whether or not our house gets built - bigger things like starvation or salvation of millions or . . . well, pretty much anything.  But I am learning that even in the "worldly" things, like the building of a house, the Lord can be honored and glorified if our hearts are in a right relationship with Him.  He wants to be involved just as much as my earthly father does.  But, unlike my earthly father, my heavenly Father can and will move heaven and earth to accomplish His purposes and it is up to me to acknowledge His never-ending presence and bring glory to His name.  I am humbled that the Lord of all Creation would choose to spend His time and love and resources on me in order to bring about His purposes.  So, as we continue to journey down this road, I pray that I will continue to see His hand at work and will bring honor to His name in the small and meager ways that I know how, praising Him for His never-ending love and grace!

Choosing That Which is Best

Every day a time comes when the kids are all tucked in bed, all the many hugs and kisses are handed out (and then handed out again), the doors are quietly closed and I look forward to "me" time (or to the laundry or the many other things on the "to-do" list to accomplish though, truthfully, I usually just plop onto the couch with a big sigh and wish I could do nothing!). Every once in a while, little Ali asks me to snuggle as I give those hugs and kisses. I usually pause, think of all the things I have yet to do and the very short time to do it in and I say "No. Not tonight, honey. I have to go do the laundry. Maybe tomorrow?" She looks disappointed, starts to cry and I give in. "Okay. But only for a little bit." She smiles as I snuggle in, wrap my arms around her and stroke her hair and her cheeks. If I am lucky, she strokes my hair and gently caresses my cheek. Just a few minutes is all she needs and then I sneak out while she falls asleep. Then the next night it happens all over again. It has become part of our routine. But I am learning. I am learning what is good and what is better. What is good and what is best. Because does the laundry really matter to a 3 year old? She couldn't care less if her pants and shirts match or if they are even clean. What she does care about is if her mommy loves her and to her that means quality time and lots of it. It means a couple minutes of snuggling at the end of the day. She is not here tonight. All the kids are sleeping at Grandma's since we had a late night with a few dear friends, our care group. And I miss her stroking my hair, I miss snuggling with her. I miss her sweet dimpled smile as she snuggles into the pillow, sneaking looks at me every once in a while. I miss that little lady. The Lord is teaching me what is good and what is best and you know what? I don't say, "Maybe tomorrow" anymore. I just crawl in her bed, wrap my arms around her and love that little lady. I am hoping that as she receives love from Jesus through the arms of her mom in those moments of quiet that it will seep into her soul and give her confidence. Give her courage. Give her security in knowing Jesus loves her. She keeps asking, "Does Jesus love me?" Oh, yes, my little lady, he sure does. So much more than I ever could.

Compassion

Compassion, by definition, means a deep awareness of and sympathy for another's suffering. Some people are more naturally compassionate than others. Some people just really couldn't care less. Can you teach compassion? I would hope that as I demonstrate compassion I am, by default, teaching the kids what compassion looks like and sounds like. This morning we had a little incident and I was overwhelmed by the compassion exhibited by the youngest and oldest of the kids. Recently, Pepe has been giving piggy back rides to all his siblings. He may be only 7 but he is just shy of 75lbs. To put it in context, I was a mere 88lbs in Grade 9. Pepe is in Grade 2. He is a big boy. A very strong boy. His much smaller brother is only 43lbs. So, piggy back rides are easy for Pepe to give to his much lighter siblings. When he is feeling left out, Pepe comes to us for his rides. Anyhow, the girls must have figured that they could give rides to each other. Ali attempted to carry RJ on her shoulders. I was washing dishes and could see them in plain sight. I caught what they were doing out of the corner of my eye and before I could tell them to stop, they both came crashing down. RJ smashed her head on the frame of the couch and actually gashed the back of her head. Ali smashed her elbow on the hard wood floor. So, there I was holding two screaming and crying girls, trying to console them and calm them down. Baby girl Ari comes over and pats, rubs and shushes away, trying to help in the consolation. I don't know if it is her natural instinct or if she is just imitating what she has seen from me but she does it frequently. If someone is crying, she immediately goes up to them and hugs, pats, rubs and shushes. Pepe went above and beyond that, bringing me a cloth to clean up the blood, finding an ice pack, getting RJ a pillow and blanket so she could lie down on the couch, asking her repeatedly if there was anything else he could do for her and just being greatly concerned and very, very compassionate. My heart is so very proud when I see such Christ-like actions coming from two very little people (well, by 'little' I mean young as I already established earlier that Pepe is most certainly not little!). I do a lot of criticizing of myself and my mothering attempts or despairing over my unChrist like actions towards the kids or Jay. When I see moments like what happened this morning, I think it is God's way of showing me that, though I may have moments of wrong, I am on the right path. The kids are watching and imitating and if that is the case then Christ is obviously at work in me just as he is at work in them.

A Redeeming God

Last night I had the opportunity to get together with a friend of mine who is going through a really rough time in her life. Certainly not something she would have chosen had she been given a list earlier in life of things she would choose to endure. Actually, I have had that same opportunity with a number of different friends over the years and I have always come away in complete awe of who God is and how he can take any circumstance and redeem it for his glory. The 3 particular women that I am thinking of have had to face hard times, really hard times, all with their own unique set of circumstances. Each of them has shed many tears over the heartaches that have come. I have cried right along with them. Each of them loves the Lord. And each of them has had a choice. They could get really mad at God, and maybe they have. They could ask God why they had to go through this pain, and they probably do. They could have pity-parties and withdraw from everyone. Who could blame them? Finally, they could turn their backs on their God, their Maker and Creator, the One who loves them more than anyone else possibly could. And they have not! Last night, as in the past, I came home rejoicing and in amazement at how God loves to take ugly situations, sad situations, really REALLY hard situations and redeem them. These women have shown me what it means to love the Lord. These women have shown me what faith truly does look like. These women have pointed me to a loving God that hasn't promised an easy life but has promised to be with you no matter how difficult the road may be. He promises to carry you. He promises to uphold you. He promises never to leave you. He promises never to stop loving you. I am so blessed to have these women in my life. To have this glimpse of what true faith looks like, faith during the hard times. I always wonder what my faith would look like if those circumstances happened to me. And they may. But will my faith sustain me? Will I have the strength and hope and trust in my Lord as these women do? Each of them would say they are not strong. Each of them would say their hope and trust is shaky. But each of them is testament to the saving power of Jesus Christ. To the hope that only he can give. Has their situation changed? No. Have they changed? Absolutely! I am so thankful to have these women in my life. And I can only pray that when the trials come to my life that I will become as pure gold, just as they have.

A Country Dream Come True!

{This post may get a little long! Consider yourself warned!}

Since forever and a day, I have always wanted to live in the country. I grew up on about 15 acres of land and loved to wander the bush in search of wildflowers, wild life and anything else wild. The untouched country always left me feeling so happy and content, like everything was as it should be. I spent hours outside, in sunshine and rain, cold and warmth. I was MEANT to be a country girl (well, except for the poison ivy, which I got EVERY year. With intense reaction. I loved Prednisone. I eventually had a doctor tell me that I was meant to live on CONCRETE! Who, me? No, thank you!) So, this whole living in town thing has been a little bit hard for me. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the convenience of everything being so close by - the grocery store, the post office, the hardware store, MCC - all the good stuff. And I really REALLY love my neighbours. They are wonderful people. But a lot sized 70x130 is just not quite big enough for this country girl. Even if we can see horses and sheep from my bedroom window.

Back track a few years. A man who was Jay's neighbour while he was growing up approached Jay about 3, maybe 4, years ago to see if we were interested in buying his property when he retired and moved away. His 5 acre property. With trees. Lots of them. We said absolutely were we interested. So, time went on and about 1 1/2 years ago he approaches Jay again and says he is ready to sell. He told us the price and we couldn't refuse. So, we went to our lawyer together to start this whole process. Turns out the man is separated from his wife, has no idea where she lives or who her lawyer is. We attempted to find her but couldn't. Eventually he found out that she had another lawyer. In his mind, another lawyer meant she wanted a divorce and he wasn't about to give one. End of process. Man, were we disappointed. That location would have been so perfect. 1/4 mile away from Jay's parents. 1 mile as the crow flies from Jay's work. 5 acres with lots of trees. And the best part? A house trailer! Yup, this lot has a house trailer so we can move it off or burn it up or tear it down or whatever and BUILD A HOUSE!!!! Can you get any better than that? But it was not to be. At least not then. Over and over Jay kept saying how great that property would be. Over and over I kept telling him to just let it go. It wasn't for us. We should pursue other land options, plant trees, start from scratch. I was wrong. There, you have it in writing, dear - I was wrong!! This past summer the man reapproaches Jay and says he is ready to sell. Again. This time he knows where his now ex-wife is, who her lawyer is, where she lives, all that good stuff. Kind of important things to know when the property is in joint ownership. Since then we have been back and forth in this whole property purchase thing. It gets a little . . . drawn out when the sellers are divorced and have no money. This is their opportunity to get money out of each other. Or booster cables. Or pruning shears. So, the process took a lot longer than we hoped but finally - fiiiiiiiiiiiiinnallyyyyyyyyyyy we have possession of the property as of today!! What a great day it has turned out to be. So, of course, with my curious nature, a field trip was necessary as I had never stepped foot on this property. Jay had been there a number of times but not me. And the curiosity was getting the better of me! So, off we went to my new country home!

The agreement was that whatever was left on the property on possession day was ours. He could take or leave whatever he wanted seeing as we really only wanted the land. So, the question was: What was in the trailer? What was in the sheds? Exploring we went!

Driving on the driveway for the first time! The excitement is mounting!

The front part of the lot. Aren't those tall pines just beautiful?

The back half of the lot. I feel like I am standing in a meadow with all that tall grass. I may just have to go back and get some pictures of the kids in it!

The neighbour's kitty that Ali found - she was in love, squealing with delight! It felt SO right. (The kids have been praying for the dogs and the cats we will have when we are in the country and for the dog food and cat food we can buy when we are in the country!)


2 of the 3 sheds. The first one in the trees is full of garbage and is in really bad shape. The one closer to the front of the picture holds tool-y stuff and is in fair shape.

The last shed closest to the trailer. It holds - get this - about 200 canning jars! Isn't that hilarious? And, I just may keep them. Or, at least some of them!

The house trailer still has the fridge, stove, washer, dryer - that sort of thing. Also, an old dresser that I am certainly keeping and will try to redo and beautify. It just may come in handy somewhere.

I am sure the big question you are asking is when are we moving. Well, unfortunately, not this year. Not even next year. Maybe 2 years? 3? Certainly not 4! However, I would be willing to wait 4 if it meant being able to afford the house we really want - our dream house - as opposed to building something sooner that is not quite what we want. For now, I am content to know the property is ours, the first step has been accomplished. I feel so blessed to know that sometime soon (because we all know time flies!) this country land will not just hold our dreams but that those dreams will come true! Thank you, Lord!!

10 Years and Still Loving Him!

September 25, 1999. A completely magical day! The day I married my best friend! It was such a fun wedding and I was SO excited to get married. To be married. I couldn't keep still. Literally. I was bouncing, I was so excited. The pastor actually said, "The Lord bless you and keep you . . . still!" Yup, I just married the man I loved and I couldn't contain the excitement!

Fast forward 10 years. 10 magical years. Okay, let's be realistic. Not all of them were magical. In fact, some were hard. Really hard. I remember feeling so angry at Jay, so disconnected, so confused as to why things were so hard. So empty. So ugly. We didn't talk. Life was chaotic. We had 3 kids. He was busy doubling his hog operation. Life was busy and stressful and we grew apart. It was anything but magical. Lots of tears were shed. Lots of hurt feelings. But, we pushed through. We did not give up. We continued to pray and talk and pray and talk and pray and talk. And things got better. Are things less stressful now? Maybe just a little. But is our marriage fun again? Is it full of life? Is it good? I mean really good? ABSOLUTELY!! To celebrate 10 wonderful years of marriage, we went away for 2 nights, without the kids, to a resort located a couple hours away from here called Falcon Trails Resort. Now, when I say the word resort, I get images of shiny windows on huge hotels, shimmering pools, exotic locale, hot summer sun. This was NOT that kind of resort. This was a cabin by the water, rustic, trees, deer, quiet, kind of resort. Absolutely perfect!


Our cabin was called Sunset and it afforded beautiful views of the lake. It was a cozy place - 3 beds (2 in the loft - obviously we only needed one), a small kitchen, livingroom/diningroom with fireplace, TV/VCR/DVD, hot tub in the screened in porch. It was fantastic.

The first night we arrived we stayed around the cabin as it was already dark. We made supper, soaked in the hot tub, watched a movie and went to bed early. Heavenly!
The next day we got busy - we hiked and hiked and hiked, about 4 hours in total.



We kept trying to get a picture of the two of us using the timer on the camera. We finally succeeded. This is us after 10 years of marriage. Older, wiser!



This was us on our honeymoon 10 years ago. Yup, we were at a cabin in the woods then, too. We hiked and we took a picture (one of my favorites - it sits beside my bed!). Boy, do I look young. Innocent. Naive!!


After resting a few minutes back at the cabin, we went canoeing. 2 hours, maybe?

That evening, we watched the sun set on the water (spectacular, isn't it?).

Then, we headed to Kenora, ON for supper at Dino's Restaurant. I had read great reviews online and they were not wrong. It was a wonderfully delicious and filling supper. Once back at the cabin at 10pm, we headed back out in the canoe and into the mist settling over the marsh. Felt like something out of a movie, a little scary. Dark, you cannot see anything, misty. I was expecting an alligator to sneak up on us! Enough of that! Back to the hot tub! The next morning, we packed and away we went. We left the quiet behind to go get our kids. Our noisy kids. We miss the quiet! Ah, but we love having them around, too!

Best part of the whole 2 days? He proposed to me, all over again. He is so romantic when he has time to think through what he wants to say and writes it down. He took us to the end of the dock, read me some amazing words (which I don't have to remember because I have written copy!) then pulled out this unbelievable ring (whose beauty cannot be appreciated in photos!) and asked me to marry him . . . again. Which I didn't hear because I was so taken with the ring. Seriously, the first words out of my mouth were "holy crap!" So, not the words I would have chosen had I thought for a few seconds, but they are what they are. And I laughed. With the same giddy excitement I had the first time he proposed. On a dock. And I said yes! Both times!

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life. I am loved, deeply loved by him and he continues to show me. Buying me a ring, a big ring, an expensive ring, is a huge thing for him. He is a saver, not a spender. So when he doesn't look at the price of a piece of jewelry but goes from his heart instead, you gotta know it is important. Really important. So, now I have rings on my hand that remind me of the beginning of our life together and a huge accomplishment along the way. I love you, sweetheart, and I cannot wait to spend another 10 years as your wife! Happy Anniversary!

Adoption Thoughts

Ever since I was a little girl, I know that the idea of adoption has floated around in my head with a hope that someday I might be able to adopt a child. More specifically, a black child. See, my mom was adopted and she has only ever had good things to say about it. Granted, she was adopted as a newborn and so she doesn't have feelings attached to another mother. But, she thinks it was a God-ordained thing that saved her life. Literally. So, the idea of being able to give a home, lots of love and maybe even life, in one form or another, by adopting a child has always intrigued me. Well, intrigued may be the wrong word. I believe that I have a lot of love to give and would be honored to share my home and my heart with another child that did not arrive in this world via my womb! I also don't look upon mothers that give their child away for adoption with anything but the utmost respect. These women have carried their child for 9 months, bonding with and loving this unseen creation. They have birthed these children. They have nursed these children. They have watched them smile, laugh, crawl, walk, run, grow and love. And, they have decided that what they had to offer was not the absolute best for their child. They had to decide that the life and future of their child is more important than keeping them close by. I cannot imagine the pain these mothers endure of having their child taken from them, even if it is willingly. No, I cannot think of these women with anything but respect.

I have told Jay many times about my desire to adopt but never once have I mentioned this to my kids. The other day, Pepe was talking about church. He wanted us to remind him to bring his Bible and his offering to Sunday School. The offering is for orphans in Africa so they can have clean water and food to eat. I guess in Sunday School Pepe mentioned that maybe the money could buy the kids some parents because as orphans they don't have parents and wouldn't it be good for them to have a mom and a dad? He was told you cannot buy people! I told him that he was right, it would be good for the orphans to have a mom and a dad. I told him that he should pray to God that God could bring a mom and a dad to the orphans. He said that he would pray that God would bring an orphan to live with US. That God should bring one orphan. No, that He should bring 2 orphans, a brother and sister, to live with US. Remember, I have never talked about adoption with him until this conversation. I explained to him about adoption and how his nana was adopted. But he came up with this idea of the orphans living with us all on his own, before I explained adoption. Maybe that boy will have more faith than I do and pray for those orphans and God will bring 2 to live with us, just like Pepe said! I think about the logistics, the expense, the space we don't have. Pepe thinks about the mom and dad, the food and the clean water the orphans don't have. I wish I could think more like him. Needless to say, I was slightly amazed at the end of our conversation! What will the future hold? Will it include the faces of a little African boy and his sister? Dare I hope?

Matters of Eternal Importance!

So, I just came home from spending the last 5 hours shopping in Winnipeg (and no, I was not shopping for myself - and I most certainly wasn't shopping at Ricki's where the new color for the season happens to be purple which I noticed when I passed the store, slowed down slightly then quickly picked up speed and continued on in case I should be tempted to enter. Which I was. But I didn't. Whew!!) picking up things for my husband and finding decor items for MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers, a program I am coordinating at our local church). Oh, I guess I did do a little shopping for me - I needed new bras. Desperately. Mission accomplished. Though it was a little disturbing finding out what size I was - I mean, really! 36A???!!! What am I - 15?? (That is no offense to the 15 year olds, just a sad state of being for this 33 year old! That's what all those kids and nursing did to me. Sob!!!).

AAAAAAAAANYWAY! I came home just after the girls were in bed. One son was waiting upstairs, the other was wailing in his bed. I was checking in with Jay when my oldest says this to me from across the house:

"Mom, guess what? I asked Jesus to come live in my heart. I was talking to him and he said that I don't have to do any school or homework or any work at all!".

Okay, did I just hear that right? Could you back that up juuuuuust a little?

Me: "He did, did he?".

Him: "No, I'm just joking. But the first part is true. I actually did."

Me: "You did? You asked Jesus to be your forever-friend?".

Him: "Yup!"

Okay, so at this point I run to him and hold him and hug him and tell him that was the best thing he could ever tell me! I will see my son in heaven one day! What could be more exciting than that?! Apparently this monumentous event happened last night as he and dad were reading the Bible story about Peter and James following Jesus. Daddy asked if Pepe wanted to follow Jesus and he said yes. They talked with Jesus and he made the most important decision of his life. Which I only found out about 24 hours later. I was in a meeting yesterday, in my own house, but only found out tonight. Like all that time I spent in school with him today just wasn't enough time to tell me! I digress! My point? My son loves Jesus and wants to follow him! I couldn't be happier! Thank you, Lord!!!

Almost Family

For the past year, we have spent every third Sunday with a very special group of people - our care group. Some people refer to these types of groups as small groups but I like care group better. Why? It epitimizes the reason we get together. Because we care. Our group consists of 12 adults and 12 children (age 6 and under). This past year we would get together for a potluck supper then the adults would sit around and talk while the kids ran wild! It was great for everyone involved, especially the kids. Tonight we met just as adults to discuss plans for the future. Do we want to keep getting together? Do we like this thing called "care group"? The answer is a resounding "YES"! These are some of the most important people in my life, people that understand who I am and love me anyway. People who can make me laugh or make me cry. People who love my children. People who push me in my faith journey. Or my parenting journey. Or in my marriage. People that are more than just people - they are my friends. They are my 'almost family'! They are the biggest reason we still attend the church we do. They give me something to look forward to. They give me a reason to open up and share. This next year we will meet as adults every other care group Sunday and I am SO EXCITED! I love my kids, I love their kids but sometimes with all those little ones running around, it is hard for us adults to dig deeper. Find out what is really happening. This year that can change. We will be just the 12 of us - 6 couples. Couples that hopefully can talk about anything and everything. Couples that will pick you up when you are down, give you a hug if that is what you need. Couples that will cause your walk with the Lord to be richer, more significant. Couples that will hold your marriage to a higher standard, expect more from you while loving you on the journey. I am so blessed to have these friends in my life. I hope you have friends in your life that are able to be that source of encouragement, that place of laughter and honesty, those arms that will accept you, no matter what! Friends that are your 'almost family'!

Farm Girl Through and Through!

Harvest is in full swing around these prairie lands and it is a time I both anticipate and dread, to some extent or another. I anticipate the time the boys get to spend with their daddy as he helps out his dad with all that harvest time requires - swathing, combining, baling, hauling grain, cultivating, etc, etc. I dread the amount of time he will be gone as he first works at his "day" job and then heads off to the fields for his "night" job! Those days with the kids get particularily long. And a bit harried as I figure out how to feed the kids and their dad as I pack up food to bring to the fields. (I could easily pawn this job off on my mother-in-law who would gladly feed her son. However, I consider this my pleasure!) Jay has no problem taking the boys with him (the girls still think the tractors are too loud!) but yesterday I thought it was my turn! When we were dating and before we had kids, I spent many hours in the tractors with my hubby! Hours talking, watching and just being with the love of my life. I loved the closeness, the intimacy of being "stuck" in such a small space. Things are a little different with all the kids. We have taken every single one for a ride. At the same time! Imagine 6 people squished into the cab of a combine. Or swather. But that's what we do. And we love it! We are just waiting for the right time to take Ari for her first ride. Hopefully soon Jay gets to drive the combine and that will be the ticket to a family ride. 7 people this year! So, anyhow, back to yesterday. I get jealous of the boys and the hours they have spent with their daddy so I figured I paid my dues and it was my turn. We arranged it with MIL that she would watch the kids so I could spend 1 hour with Jay. 1 hour hopping from grain truck to grain truck. 1 hour with my love in the middle of a sunny, busy harvest day! Well, if you know anything about farm life, that 1 hour didn't really happen. It was interrupted. Continually. I maybe spent a 1/2 hour with him. 45 minutes max. Spread over the course of 4.5 hours! But, the time I did spend, was great! I am such a farm girl! I think that my husband is incredible sexy when he drives a grain truck! And every moment I sat beside him I was thanking the Lord for giving him to me. And for giving me this life. This life where the harvest seems to be abundant. In more ways than one. And I am thankful that there will be many more years of being able to sit beside my love and join him in this wonderful life the Lord has given us. This crazy busy life as a farm girl!

Watching the Harvest - Fall 2008

My spirit is alive!

Do you ever get the feeling that your spirit becomes more alive, more excited after spending time with certain people? Tonight that is how my spirit feels thanks to the evening we were able to spend with some sweet friends (who actually have 5 children of their own and understand our life just a bit better than most others!!).

First of all, I think I finally have words to express the great desire to homeschool. I homeschooled Pepe last year and I will continue with both boys this year. I don't have to register them for homeschooling until they are 7 so, in the mean time, I have been trying to come up with a philosophy of education. Why do I want to homeschool? Until now, I knew that I didn't like the idea of the kids being away for 8 hours a day under someone else's instruction, influence, control! I thought they were gifts given to me, not the school teacher, no matter how good those teachers are (and in our school division we have some great educators, some of whom are my friends). Some people scoff at the idea of educating my own children - after all, think of all the free time I will have with them gone! Think of how much cleaning, shopping, crafting I can do with no little people to "drag around"! I could read a book, take a bath or a nap, paint my toes, go to the bathroom, all without interruption! But, guess what? I like those little people! And they were given to ME as gifts from the Lord. He says, "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." (Psalm 127:3-5) My children are not a barrier to my happiness, my children are not an inconvenience that I must put up with until I can finally send them away to school so I can do my own thing. My children are a heritage, a blessing, a gift. I need to cherish that gift. To embrace that gift. And for me, that means to teach that gift! Deuteronomy 11:19 is talking about the Lord and his commands when he writes, "Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." It says right there I am supposed to teach my children! I need to teach them far more than reading, writing and arithmatic - I need to teach them all about the Lord and all that He has done and all that He is continuing to do. And, guess what? You can teach them to read and learn about the Lord at the same time!! So, I put away my own agenda for a little while. Aren't they worth it? Eventually they will grow up and leave home and I will have all the time in the world to craft, nap or shop. But won't it be that much more rewarding to have that 18 or 20 year-old that is bright, educated and loves the Lord with a passionate faith because their mom took a few years out of her life to teach and embrace those precious gifts He entrusted to her?

Secondly, I was informed, though the concept shouldn't be a new one, that children don't get a baby-sized Holy Spirit - they can have the full power of the Holy Spirit at the age of 3! Do you understand what I am saying? My 3 year-old RJ can have the same power Christ had when he walked the earth because that same power can indwell her through the Holy Spirit!! Isn't that just amazing!!! You don't have to wait until the age of maturity for the Holy Spirit to indwell you. I guess I should have known that but I have never thought about it like that before. Makes perfect sense to me. And, it certainly makes me look at and pray with my children in a completely different light. Can you imagine the things they could do? The children they could be? The children they already are?

Thirdly, God really cares about us, about all the little details of our lives! Tonight Jay picked up Ali and somehow hurt her arm so that she wouldn't use her wrist - she just kept holding it and crying and crying. We tried to get her to move it - she wouldn't. I was already envisioning a trip to the ER - a long night in the waiting room, a 2 year-old crying in pain the whole 45 minute trip - it was not going to be a good ending to a great evening. Her wrist even looked funny. Then all of a sudden she started using it. Just like that. No pain. No more tears. I said, "Okay, who was praying?" The man of the house said he was! And God choose to heal her! Maybe to teach us all that God really does hear our prayers, that God cares about the little things and that God certainly cares about the little ones! After all, Jesus did say, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." (Mark 10:19)

My spirit is alive! Thank you, Lord!