"Mommy, I Need You"

My little baby girl is almost 4 years old.  But for another month, she is still 3.  A fully toilet-trained 3-year old that still needs a little help cleaning up herself after having used the toilet.  In this house we currently live in, I have tried to teach her to use the upstairs bathroom so that I don't have to run downstairs to help her.  Doesn't always happen but this house is small enough that I can hear her no matter which bathroom she uses. 

Not quite the same story at the new house.  At the new house, we have only one toilet working right now.  It is upstairs in the kid's bathroom.  It is in the second half of the kid's bathroom so it is behind 2 closed doors.  Most of the work we are doing right now is happening on the main floor of the house.  But this new house is much bigger than the old house and her voice is much quieter behind 2 closed doors and up a long flight of stairs and down a hall.  I don't always hear her when she calls.  But what has surprised me more than anything is how she refuses to ask her daddy for help.  I find it amusing some of the time, annoying other times and downright confusing the rest of the time.

Before we had the toilet installed in the new house, we had to use the toilet in the house trailer.  That caused a huge problem because there was no way I could hear her calling from inside a completely different building.  She learned to tell me she needed to use the bathroom so I could go with her.  However, there were numerous occasions when she didn't tell me she had to use the washroom and so her siblings would come tell me she was calling for me so I would arrive to help her, often finding her in tears.  I would apologize profusely and hold her close, assuring her I loved her, even if I didn't come right away.

One day I was cutting stone with the wet tile saw.  It makes a lot of noise so I was wearing ear protection.  I have a hard enough time hearing the kids right next to me when I am using noisy tools, never mind the one calling from the upstairs bathroom behind 2 closed doors.  And the whole time I was working on the stone, Jay was working in the laundry room doing some quiet thing.  Ari knew all this.  She knew what we were doing and where we were working but she still insisted on calling for me.  Eventually Pepe, my 9-year old, told me that Ari had been calling "for like 5 minutes already".  Oh, did I feel bad.  I asked Jay to go help her and, of course, she was crying that I never came.  She felt abandoned.  And I felt incompetent, like I had failed her.  I was certainly annoyed that time. 

This past week I had to leave the house to go get something - I was gone for probably 5 minutes or a little more.  As soon as I walk back in the house, I hear Ari calling for my help.   I was completely bewildered.  I wasn't even in the house and she was calling for me.  She didn't once think I wasn't going to come.  She didn't once consider calling her daddy.  She just kept calling and calling, even though I wasn't even in the house.  Jay was in the kitchen, working quietly.  I was mostly bewildered that time with a bit of amusement and annoyance thrown in.  It really spoke to my heart - this little girl NEEDS her mom.  Her dad won't do.  Her sisters or brothers won't do.  Only her mom can fulfill that place in her heart.  She needs help, she calls her mom, no questions asked.  And, in her mind, her mom always comes, no matter if her mom is at the top of the ladder wearing eye and ear protection nailing together a coffered ceiling while her dad is in the room next to her - no matter if her mom isn't even in the area - her mom always comes.  I let her down frequently.  I don't always hear her.  She has cried many tears because I don't always come immediately.  How it does my heart good to know that she still calls for me, even after failing her so often.

But is it also a fantastic reminder that I can always call on my Heavenly Father and he always hears.  His ears are never covered.  The noise around him is not so great that he cannot hear me.  My cries are never too faint for him to hear.  He never steps out of the house or out of my life.  He always hears when I call and comes immediately. 

Psalm 18:6 says 

"But in my distress I cried out to the LORD; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears."

Throughout this building process, many trials have come our way.  Things have been hard.  Roadblocks have been thrown in our path.  More so lately it seems that it takes more from us to finish this work, finish this house.  But I am so thankful that through it all, no matter where we are or what happens, no matter how loud the noise is around us, we can call on our Father to help us and he always hears our cries.  He always comes and helps us, no matter what.  And that is a promise I will hold firm to as we continue on this journey.  And maybe, just maybe, Ari will remember that she can call on her daddy for help, too!

Latest Crochet Project - Puff Stitch Toque with Ear Flaps

Baby girl Ari needed a new toque for winter so I did a bit of shopping on Etsy and found a pattern that didn't use the traditional single or double crochet stitch.  I liked that it looked different.  Though it does require more time and more yarn than most other hats I have made, I love how it turned out.  It is sooo thick that her little head will never get cold, the puff stitch is lovely to look at and with the sizing, it should fit her for about 3 more years!

If you crochet and are interested in your own, you can buy the pattern at this etsy shop!

The Beginning of Something Good?

Ari is 2 1/2.  That means it is high time she learn to use a toilet rather than a diaper.  I was purposely waiting for the summer to train her since it seems so much easier to train her when she can romp around in just underwear or a dress and underwear.  I have tried earlier with little success.  I tried a week ago and after sitting on the potty forever, doing nothing, she said she wanted to sit on the toilet.  After sitting there another forever listening to me read stories she finally peed!  On the toilet!  Of course, there was much singing and clapping and praising this accomplishment.  We did have to scrounge for a treat (mini-marshmallows) since my potty-training reward arsenal was empty.  Not much happened after that.  I slacked.  Yesterday I bought gummy worms for the treats since I am determined to use what is left of the summer to train her.  Today, just as supper was ending, she looks at her diaper (the only thing she is wearing) and says, "Daddy, pee!".  Daddy asks if she wants to pee on the potty and she says, "No, toilet."  So I trot her off to the toilet, place her in position, wander off to get the treats and while I return, she pees on the toilet.  Just like that!  Quick, easy.  No waiting forever.  PLUS, she recognized the need before hand!  That is huge!  We just may be at the beginning of something good.  Something real good!

Hold Me

The alarm clock showed 2 something in the morning when I heard her cries. She was making her way upstairs and into our room, dragging her blanket behind her. The small mattress we keep under our bed for just moments like this was already beside our bed from a late night visitor the night before. I gently laid her on the mattress and wrapped her in her blanket, hoping just the closeness to mom would be enough to ease her to sleep. She remained restless, crying out occasionally. I gently picked her and her blanket up and snuggled her in close beside me in our bed. I wrapped my arms around her and almost instantly a huge sigh escaped her little lips. She fiddled with her blanket, finding just the right spot to hold and seemed to settle. We snuggled for a little while but I suspected she would not fall asleep in my arms. When I asked her if she was ready to go back to her bed, she said "Nya." (yes). I picked her up and cradled her like the baby she no longer is and she allowed me to carry her back to bed. As I was passing through the living room the bright light of the full moon shone on her face and I saw her twinkling brown eyes. She was enjoying this moment with mom. When I brought her to her room and laid her on her bed, she quickly buried herself under her blanket, ensuring nothing was sticking out and fell fast asleep. I couldn't help but think that sometimes I am just like that little 2 year old lady. Sometimes, life gets too complicated. Things aren't going well and I cry out. Nothing is making me happy. Everything in me is full of turmoil. I need Jesus to hold me and wrap his arms around me, just like I held her. Sometimes, being close isn't good enough. I need to be held in those arms of love until the peace returns and I am able to go on. And I am so glad that Jesus is always ALWAYS there whenever I need him and he knows just how to hold me.

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!

Today, my baby girl turned two years old! WOW!! It is so hard to think that just 2 years ago I saw this little bundle of joy and energy for the very first time!

She was by far my busiest baby in the womb and she has shown no different out of the womb! No one has given us more smiles than she has, talks more than she has, given more hugs than she has! She is my little sunshine because she lights up a room when she comes in. She has such a special relationship with her older brother AJ and I love how the two of them interact. She loves to be among the crowd and quickly feels lonely without her siblings around. She is helpful, adventurous, loving, spunky, smiley and an absolute delight to have in our family.

I have mixed emotions about this day. Jay and I are talking about having more children once we are in the new house but I have no guarantees that we actually will. So, I look upon her with a bittersweet happiness - my littlest baby is growing up and as of right now there are no more babies around. In the past, when we celebrated a 2 year birthday, there has always been a 6 month old baby in my arms.

In spite that bitter sweetness, I am overwhelmed with joy at this beautiful little child, with delight at watching her grow and learn, with curiosity to see all that the Lord has in store for her in the future but mostly with humility that God has entrusted her to us for now. Happy Birthday, sweet little Ari! My life is better because of you!